I don’t know how to start letters wasn’t good at english but loved the literature, being able to analyse a story and characters excited me,
I always analysed people i never threw myself in anyone’s arms I was a shy one.
I was 8, still held my innocent card
I was normal,
I was normal.
I found a friend, i found someone who other than my mum made me smile
the jokes were endless.
You was our go to i mean we were only kids,
rides to shop just to get ice cream
that’s what i used to call you just as a sign of respect.
Mum loved you, Dad appreciated you.
I mean who took a day off just to get his grandchild and friend from school for a day at the park?
I loved those days at the park,
best days of my childhood
I was so carefree.
I loved being outside. Do you remember that day at the beach?
I do, i remember everything somehow those memories never faded.
You always kept an eye out, you was overprotective of me i always thought you cared i always thought you was like my dad, you know u was my hero just like he used to be but things change.
You said “It’s always going to be alright if i’m here” i felt safe.
I was innocent,
I was normal.
that night when i knew something got taken away from me
I never knew how to look at you anymore
have you ever felt paralyzed?
hands in between my thighs and all i could hear in my head was
“its going to be alright”
the wind blazing from the window i wish i could have reached it, i wish i could have escaped that nightmare. I wish a word could have come out my mouth but i sat there with a blank stare
I sat there.
You looked at me in my eyes with satisfaction,
you got what you wanted right?
I was still confused of what was going on till she came back with my strawberry ice cream, yes i still remember every detail of that night.
I felt like i got slapped back into reality, i was unconscious
I wasn’t normal anymore,
I wasn’t innocent anymore that’s all i could think of.
Did you sleep well that night?
All i could think of was is she getting the special treatment too?
was i being punished?
I couldn’t speak or eat my mum thought it was normal,
i felt your touch all over my body
bath time was my favorite time.
Had to get rid of you somehow
but every bell ring i knew you’d be waiting
all i wanted was for daddy to save me
“help help help me”
my mind had its own mouth
I lost touch with reality
all i could see was your face
i was scared,
fear got the best of me
i never used to be scared something i got from my dad.
I was 8 I didn’t know much but i knew silence was killing me inside, things i never even knew of i felt.
sadness started to creep in
i never used to be that kid?
I was innocent i was normal?
*School bell rings*
Dad got me. Dad was there.
you was gone
every bell had me looking outside
where did you go?
dad told me you went somewhere bad people go to, I was 8 but I wasn’t stupid
I felt bad? the guilt had me up at night even though i knew i did nothing wrong.
It’s been 10 years and all i can think of is
have you changed?
did you stay the same?
well you changed me
I started hating men,
i started thinking all they did was hurt girls
i started thinking i would never want anyone to ever get too close to me, close enough to hurt me.
Until i met an angel who touched me gently and softly with their words but this time i was never paralysed I wasn’t scared,
i think that was real love.
I never wished death upon you,
I never wished anything bad upon you,
I prayed to God.
I asked for your forgiveness
I’ve forgiven you.
I hope the 8 year old girl who couldn’t get a word out gets set free once and for all.
I hope where bad people go to changed you.