Dear Mama….

Let me start with I’m sorry

I’m sorry because I let him get to you,

I’m sorry I allowed you to stress over bills

When I could have helped you

My lifestyle is terrible

You’re always worried about the kid

I mean I’m an adult

Yes

But I’m still little Rica to you, I mean I’m still your baby girl.

I have flashbacks every night

When you close your bedroom door

I hear it slam,

It all comes back to me

When he raised his hand

You grasp for air you screamed

I’m sorry. 

Dear mama, I’m sorry for not being strong enough to protect you,

Now see I do try but every time I intervene I’m just a little bit too late,

I’ve seen history repeat itself first memory I have is him hurting you

I’m so overprotective of you

But I don’t show it enough.

Dear mama, I’m sorry if I ever stressed you out

I mean I try to be a good human

Doesn’t always work out though,

Like when you get phone calls from school saying your daughter has been failing and your heart breaks it hurts,

It hurts seeing you hurting, it hurts because I could change.

I wish I could open up to you about all the wounds I have, I wish you could give me a big ‘old hug but that doesn’t happen between us, all we know is loving from a distance.

I still turn to you,

I don’t know what I’d do if you left me

Everything I am is you.

When you’re tired or whenever you’re broken let my love for you take you to a place where stress is unknown,

You deserve it all mama

you’re my first real encounter with love your love is so pure every night I pray I smile, you’re such a blessing ma’.

Dear mama, I love you I wish I said this often you’re the perfect mother I think I’m just not the perfect daughter,

All those tears I caused I’m sorry

All those tears he caused

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for it all because I’ll never forgive myself for allowing him to stay,

You took it upon yourself to make it all perfect for me remember when lil sis wasn’t here yet? Remember when you drove so fast from work to get me from day care? Remember all those times you woke up early just to make me snacks for the day?

I remember it all mama.

Dear mama, you break your back

Why don’t I ever listen to you I guess I just want to make my mistakes and learn from them?

You have been there done that you know this lifestyle inside out

But sometimes I wish you’d let me fall just to be able to catch me and hear you saying “I told you so” wouldn’t hurt so much.

Dear Mama, 

I pray you never leave me I pray I make you proud and most importantly ill always protect you mama. 

– Rica