Lemonade

I tell myself I need you

but I truly don’t,

I want you

but It get’s complicated everytime we make a move.

So indecisive,

words crumble every time I try to explain

heart fails to explain what the brain knows

goes against all odds to make it hard

I can’t have my cake and eat it too,

cliché.

Suffering in silence is my favorite hobby,

pain is unrecognisable,

popping pills they won’t care

couple baggage left unclaimed

couple bruises which are left to heal with time

I just…

I just need air,

why can’t I breathe? why do I feel stuck here?

I need to let the baggage go so I can breathe again.

I’ve always been ready for you but at this very moment everything seems

to be crashing down and for the first time, I’m not ready for what’s ahead of me.

19 years and I still don’t know myself

I mean I feel like I just met me, would you stay if you met me?

would you love me like my bestfriend did?

would you care enough to ask me if I want more out of life?

The little things never fail to amuse me,

just a little light in a place so dark

hope never seemed so bright

so many bad days,

maybe it’s all a mind trick

maybe when I wake up

everything won’t be so dull.

I spend so long chasing what’s not for me instead of chasing the good things you know? the right things.

I mean God wouldn’t send things my way If they weren’t for me but the excitement and the thrill doesn’t allow me to stay away.

God still hears a sinners cry.

Catch me as I fall,

catch me that’s all I need.

I’ve been seeking for you, him, her to save me

but all I’ve ever needed was myself

because you can try and numb it but the pain will always be lingering like a lost soul

the pain doesn’t stop, where do I seek for help where is the cure?

I’ve been in and out of this spiral universe deep breaths never seemed so relieving.

Takes a lot of time to be okay with what life throws at you

You know what they say ”when life gives you lemons, make lemonade”

that saying never really made sense to me till life gave me some.

-Rica

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