Lonely

I have no problem being lonely

but these thoughts won’t leave me, there’s no love you can show me.

Something just doesn’t click for me it somehow doesn’t make sense it’s like somehow they don’t even try.

Struggle to explain myself I barely know what’s happening,

me selfish? 

sorry, I care way too much more about these missing pieces than you ever would It’s my puzzle let me figure it out.

I’m riding it solo,

get a notepad

make it all connect.

I’m not trying to break your heart

but I like being alone

I’ve been sipping these tears they taste like vodka but that’s the norm, loud it, drink it let it all go.

People always act like they know me

but what does this look like to you

been down for me, been the one for me

when all you did was stress me even when I barely trusted myself, how selfish of you.

I don’t sleep at night

they never ask why

because

“you love staying up at night”

or

“keep me company”

you just don’t get it.

I can barely close my eyes and when their shut I don’t want to see daylight no more, then they wonder why I only wake up when the sun has gone down.

All on my own, stop calling my phone. Self-pity? none so don’t feel sorry for me but how can you call me selfish if you “understand my pain“.

Let me breathe, get out of my space let me be where I need to be.

I have no problem being lonely just let me be, don’t cry for me when there’s no sign of me. 
All these messages

“where you been”

I guess I got side tracked by this fine wine

they never ask why? they just say

 “all right” 

you know it’s “expected” of me to go mia I guess that’s just something I do.

I never liked having a “helping hand” but sometimes it just helps having an extra hand to pick up these weights.

I can never get it right but I swear I’m trying

last time I said this you walked out  

“how many times are you going to ‘try’ and get it together” 

 

you emphasise the fact that I’m trying but you’d leave the moment you see me doing okay because being too vocal would push u to the edge.
I’m still riding solo, don’t pick me up

I’m good,

seems extreme when i say i need to quit it all.

Everything makes more sense on my lonesome

this is why I don’t mind being lonely

but if you don’t need me let me go

because I’ve been trying to let go of me too.

I don’t mind being lonely but could you stay if i asked you to?

-Rica

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