Being touched, being felt, being held
can’t compare to the soft words that come out of your mouth they make me feel so hopeful.

I still wonder what it feels like to be loved, 

you know being loved for who you really are.

I thought that the more popular I became the more loved I could feel

but I’m still lonely

still telling myself that the superficial stuff won’t last forever.

Got me losing the grip to who I really am on the inside,

this road has always been quite lonely.

Life has left scars on my body that will never let me forget what love shouldn’t be and reminds me of that dark place I was once in.

I kept placing my heart in their hands thinking a flower will bloom out of it. 

I was wrong. 

Stay away,
Stay far away.

Let me save you from the nightmare in my head, I’m used to scaring people away I don’t want to scar you with the emotional abuse of you know, me being me.

I’ve learned to let go and accept my reality for what it really is why can’t you do the same?
I’ve never felt like this before

yet I still pray for better days,

hope is still in my books but then the next day everything comes crumbling down.

You try to explain it to someone but they don’t get it.

You try and express yourself like you keep being told but they won’t listen.

You try and escape from the world but they won’t let go.

Finding yourself wanting to let go but you realise you’ve been swimming in this ocean with no end to it and you belong,

for once YOU BELONG 

everything makes sense where you are.

 

Swimming,

swimming

and swimming some more

 

trying your hardest to stay afloat

but you get tired

and your arms give up.

You’re drowning. 

You go back,

you swim back to the land

you feel exhausted, you feel hopeless.

You feel everything rushing through your veins because now,

now you can feel everything as you’re back in touch with gravity

trying to find balance all over again.

The ocean was never yours to keep, it was your safe heaven filled with your dispersed emotions and hurt.

You felt at ease but it was never yours to keep. You’ve now realised that your feet were meant to stay on the ground.

You’re not cut out for the waves but letting go is never easy finding your real purpose in life all over again is what builds you.

Running with no purpose,

running with no real destination,

running because what’s behind you is bigger than you.

Running back to the ocean every time it gets “too hard”,

running back to what breaks you just because that pain is better than “what’s to come”.

When will you stop running?

-Rica