Been stuck in this depressive state for far too long
If you could see what was in my head you’d run for the hills
it isn’t just a phase I’m stuck;
I look at everybody else handling their problems well
comparison is the biggest thief of my joy.
I stop and think maybe I should get a consellor
or maybe I just need a long hug.
Can’t find anyone to tell how my mind has tricked me once again to see the worst in me
all of a sudden I’m no good and don’t belong,
instead of taking the easy way out I took the ladder and took a step further.
Maybe I should get myself a counsellor
or maybe I just need some love around me.
I find myself reminiscing of the good times whilst I cry about all the if’s and maybe’s that may or may not occur,
I’m high on my own thoughts and no detox seems to get rid of them all.
They tell me it’ll get easier
but it’s not a phase I’m stuck I feel alone at every turn
I try to remind myself that someone out there cares
but my mind convinces me everyone hates me
What’s real ? What’s made up?
I can’t seem to differentiate the two anymore,
my anxiety hugs me tight at night till I cry all my worries out
now I’m empty so I feel useless.
Maybe I should get myself a consellor
or maybe I should just let my thoughts wonder in the open.
I open myself up, convince everyone that I’m showing it all but it’s way deeper than what I could show u
bigger than the galaxy we reside in it’ll take centuries to find.
I wish I could have a blank slate
a new beginning
a new everything
but nobody is perfect so is this my blessing and a curse wrapped up in one?
I need u to tell me it’ll get easier
because I can’t be the only one with depression,
I can’t be the only one with these repetitive questions
When will the chaos stop ?
When will the voices in my head stop the lies ?
I know two things for certain
I’m still learning to navigate my mind, there’s so much to explore
and what I see isn’t the full picture there’s a bigger picture to it all.