a long road
a long road to adulthood
as a kid it was the goal
spending time setting goals the future you would certainly obtain
spent time wanting to be old
old enough to have my name on stuff
just to know i owned it
old enough to say no for myself
old enough to have a voice loud enough to be heard
at 8 i wished i was 12
at 12 i wished i was 18
but at 18 my back wheels fell off
life didn’t feel like a game anymore
fun was just a reward
for the lil things
the big things
love seemed like the ultimate goal
id dive in helplessly
knowing i might get rescued
but i’ve never been saved before
times where i felt i had all the time in the world
turned out to be the moments i hold close
time slips away like sand
it slips and fades away
from jaded to faded memories
started doing what i have to
instead of what i want to
started seeking approval from people who didn’t know me
started seeing myself in a whole new light
i could conquer it all in my dreams
so i slept less
dreams bring the nightmares
all ravelled in one
watching all these people around me
i wonder
“are they okay?”
“are they content?”
“did they settle?”
the wants and needs start to be less creative and more realistic
but what i want out of life is more than just comfort
i want an ideal, creative, liberating, practical, logical life
which always tilts the scale
i grew up wanting to be young again
moments i lived but wasn’t present for
i was never in the moment
always thinking about
yesterday
tomorrow
and
forever
never enjoying the right now
not knowing that
time slips
right in front of our eyes
from jaded to faded memories
in the blink of an eye.
-Rica.
Reblogged this on talesbyblaq.
LikeLike